How to make your commute significantly better with this one cool trick RX drivers don't want you to know (you won't believe number 4)

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 10/04/2016 at 19:28 • Filed to: None

8

24

Pictured: a young Catherine Tate moments before accidentally running over a small child with her impossibly dirty car.

Since switching jobs, I’ve gone from an empty morning commute and moderately busy evening commute to a stop-and-go hell. As such, I’ve had to change my driving habits.

Namely, I’ve become an obsessively courteous driver. This didn’t come easy to me, because the last time I had to drive daily in a city, I did it in a Town Car—a body-on-frame tank that meant I won every traffic encounter by default unless the other car was a taxi driver, in which case, they would gleefully try and clip me, because taxi drivers hate other taxis. Now I’m doing it in my Jag, a car with paint so delicate that looking at it funny makes it shatter into a million pieces.

Over the past few months, I’ve made the following observations:

1) Being nice to semis is the best, because they thank you by flashing their hazards. I want to start doing this too, but my hazard light button is the farthest button in my car, and I only seem to reliably hit it when I’m trying to hit the automatic climate control button.

2) Life is more enjoyable when you get into the lane you need to be in to exit early. Sure, you could stay in the passing lane and cut over at the last second, relying on someone else’s generosity or braking ability to let you in, and maybe you’ll end up ten or so cars ahead of where you’d be otherwise, but if you move over early, then you can just chill out and relax.

3) While it’s great to floor your car at a light and to demonstrate your superiority over a middle aged lady in a Camry (I’ll admit that I have this habit of unprovoked passing of people with Trump bumperstickers, just so I can assert dominance), it pales in comparison to the smug superiority that comes from being courteous to other drivers. I cannot emphasize enough how great this feeling of smug superiority is. It’s telling the other driver that you are the arbiter of this lane, and that you have deemed them worthy to enter it. You did them a solid, they owe you, you’re practically BFFs. If they were a wookie, they’d now have to devote the rest of their lives to helping you smuggle drugs and incestuous siblings across the galaxy. More importantly, as my mother instructed me as a child, manners are a luxury. When you let a car in, you’re announcing to all of trafficdom that the added commute time of one extra car is not going to result in you getting fired. That guy in the BMW who’s up on the bumper of that Honda? That pleb’s time is so precious that his place in traffic is the only thing standing between him, his job, and utter destitution.

4) If you’re trying to exit from a side street on to a crowded road, make eye contact with the driver immediately to your left. Chances are they will wave you in.

5) From the commanding ride height of your car, you can certainly see over the roofline of mine—which is about 4' from the pavement—so you know very well that tailgating me is stupid.

6) In fact, not only does it not magically speed up the cars in front of me, but it actually makes me increase my following distance because 1) I am now braking for the two of us in the event of a sudden stop, and, 2) fuck you.

7) When you’re at a zipper merge, if you leave enough space between you and the car in front of you for the car next to you, the car behind them will do the same for you 9/10 times,* because you’re not activating their fight response. If you’re riding on the bump of the car in front of you and only cede at the last moment, the person next to you will almost certainly do the same.

*For the other 1/10 times, hold your line and ride them onto the shoulder. They’re either give up or floor it up the shoulder in a hissy fit, either way, you win.

8) In moderate to heavy traffic without lights and a siren, there is nothing you can do to make your commute measurably shorter. Just accept it and chill the fuck out, unless you’re secretly Billy Mumy.

In which case, feel free to point at each of the other 300 cars on the road and send them off into a cornfield.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 19:42

2

Seriously though. Being chill about everything makes you so much happier when you get to your destination.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 10/04/2016 at 19:52

1

It seems so obvious, but it’s such a revelation for me to get to work and home and not be seething over all of the drivers whose faces I want to punch.

Frank W. Doom > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 19:53

4

If you’re in the situation where the guy ahead of you is alternating between flooring it and standing on the brakes, the best thing you can do is figure out the average speed of traffic and give yourself enough room to cruise at that steady pace. Maintaining speed and not having to use your brakes is great for keeping the stress level low when you’re surrounded by dipshits drag racing 30 ft at a time.

TahoeSTi > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 19:53

1

This post reminds me of all the reasons I moved away from SoCal.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 19:55

3

you should drive a Skyline with an obnoxiously loud screamer pipe and blow off valve.

You can drive like a dickhead cause everyone already assumes you are!

Brian McKay > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 19:56

3

“6) [closely following my bumper] makes me increase my following distance (to provide enough) braking (distance) for (both) of us ...” 

Urambo Tauro > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 19:57

4

...the smug superiority that comes from being courteous to other drivers. I cannot emphasize enough how great this feeling of smug superiority is. It’s telling the other driver that you are the arbiter of this lane, and that you have deemed them worthy to enter it. You did them a solid, they owe you, you’re practically BFFs.

Haha this is so true. When someone yields to let you into their rightful lane, it kind of writes a new contract, promising that there will be no further conflicts between you two. No tailgating, no brake checks or sudden “I wasn’t paying attention” panic stops, etc.

This unwritten courtesy contract is valid for the entire remainder of the commute, and any violation thereof is betrayal most foul.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Frank W. Doom 10/04/2016 at 19:58

1

It’s doubly frustrating for me, since I can rarely see beyond the car in front of me, so it usually has to happen at least once for me to realize that I’m behind a dipshit.

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 20:05

1

My commute of 42.5kms of side roads. What is this traffic you speak of?

OPPOsaurus WRX > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 20:10

1

i went through the same commute change. Open highway to wooded back roads, replaced with shitshow of a highway and a busy city.

a could differences i’ve found: if you elave room infront of you, people instantly believe that is becuase your lane is moving fast so they will cut it.

if the highway is slow enough that entering ramps are backing up, its a free for all. apparently your still supposed to yield to highway traffic and zipper merge is a myth. this boggles my mind, because there is a consistent and endless stream of cars, so I would be forever yielding.

my office parking lot exits onto a busy street close to a red light. people will happily stop for the red light infront of you and let you stare at them from the parking lot exit. fuck those people especially cuz i’m just trying to get all the way over to the left turn lane which is always empty, so I wouldn;t be effecting them in any way, expect that they have now left a gap, which obviously means that lane is faster and the next guy will cut in to fill it.

Honeybunchesofgoats > The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock 10/04/2016 at 20:18

0

My old commute involved 35 miles of almost empty highways at 4 AM. It was so relaxing that I would get to my parking garage and wish that I had a longer commute.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 20:23

1

It works so well. Even if some crazy person passes you doing like 100 on the shoulder.

Honeybunchesofgoats > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/04/2016 at 20:24

0

For scenario two, I agree. I would never be able to get into the highway if highway traffic didn’t yield. I find the best scenario is someone on the highway wanting to exit and slowing to let me move over first. Everybody wins!

For three, they’re stopping in the middle of the intersection when it backs up? In Philly, there are signs everywhere saying not to “block the box” if you block the box, someone almost certainly will wedge their fender into the one inch gap between you and the next car just as a “fuck you too.”

Honeybunchesofgoats > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 10/04/2016 at 20:25

0

My immediate thoughts when that happens: “I’d rather have them in front of me then anywhere close to me.” “Now I don’t have to worry about any cops in the area”

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 20:27

1

My commute is either early mornings, or late nights.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 20:27

1

Alternatively,

you just passed a 90s Toyota. Your parents must be so proud of you.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 10/04/2016 at 20:31

0

I used to love when people would do that with my Town Car. “Oh wow, you managed to out accelerate a Town Car. Did you have to use NOS to achieve that blazing fast sub-12 second 0-60 time?”

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 21:09

0

I neglected to mention I was far exceeding the speed limit to try and get away from her

DynamicWeight > OPPOsaurus WRX 10/04/2016 at 22:10

0

Oh how I hate people who won’t let you out of a parking lot. Such an easy thing to do.

OPPOsaurus WRX > DynamicWeight 10/04/2016 at 22:14

0

especially when they are going to sit at a red light and block you from leaving.

wafflesnfalafel > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 22:32

0

agree, 6 and 7 especially

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/04/2016 at 22:55

0

I concur. It’s been a struggle for me a bit to be a bit less aggressive, but I find the drive much less stressful now. My biggest tip is to strictly pick a lane on the highway in traffic and just try to keep moving like a traffic spring. Sure dickheads see a big gap and jump in it to only jam on the brakes while I roll up and wait for them to get impatient again and jump to another lane and eventually I pass them, all the while I’ve been cruising in the same lane. Relatively stress free. But overall courtesy is a good way to be.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/05/2016 at 07:56

0

3. You’re making two points here, really...

3a) Yes it’s great to rug it from the lights. It pales in comparison to almost nothing, and definitely not to being nice to people.

3b) But you’re right, it’s a nice feeling to chill and let someone in. What you left out is it’s also very satisfying to block someone out who was being a dick.

4. Not in Toronto, brah. Gotta shove your nose in until they have no choice or you ain’t goin’ nowhere.

6. 2) No, FU. Get over. I can’t understand why people won’t either speed up or move over. I hate being in people’s way. Why do others seem to enjoy it so much.

notsomethingstructural > Honeybunchesofgoats 10/05/2016 at 09:45

1

This was really good. Agree completely in 99.5% of situations. The other 0.5% where a guy is really going out of their way to be a dick (like, trying to be the 4th guy to get in ahead of me in a zipper merge) I’ll just ignore them, eyes forward, and hold my spot. Make it a game of chicken with the fenders. They always back off. Some times you gotta hold yer ground because merica.